Healthy Community Practices

Romans 12:10 tells us to, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

To live out this verse, we need to be part of a transparent, and authentic community.

In order to be a healthy church, the principles of loving and honoring one another are key elements in making this a reality.

Loving one another with brotherly affection, “agapeing” means to be committed to one another truthfully and sincerely. It means that we accept each other’s flaws, failures, and quirks. It means displaying the fruit of the Spirit like kindness, patience, not speaking ill of others, and displaying the unconditional love of Jesus. He is our perfect example!

Let's look at some practical steps outlined in the Scriptures by the apostle Paul:

First, start by taking a chance.

Being open, loving, and honoring toward one another implies we need to get involved in people’s lives. This can be messy and risky, since most of us, at some point, have been hurt by someone in life.  

Having been hurt can make it hard for us to jump back into a relational pool. Forgiving those who have wronged us and allowing God to heal the wounds of our past can set us up for deeper and more empathetic relationships. Stepping out and taking a chance can be a blessing we did not expect.

Second, watch your motives.

Paul says in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.”

These verses are cautions we need to take seriously. We can all struggle with a lack of self-awareness. Human tendency is to focus on our interests first, which Paul tells us we need to guard ourselves against.

Benjamin Franklin said it best, "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know oneself." Let’s do our best to be aware of this and watch our motives.

Thirdly, commit to being honest and authentic.

Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”

Healthy relationships and a healthy community exhibit authenticity and honesty. This requires intentionality, investment, and work. There are different levels to relationships. A deeper level of relational intimacy should be reserved for a few individuals, not the masses.

Some have walked through a lot in life, they have been forgiven much, and they want to touch as many lives as possible. This means that they may divulge more than the average person. But not all people have the ability or desire to do that. This is where self-awareness plays a key role, nevertheless, we need to be committed to a lifestyle of honesty and authenticity. 

Fourth, it is not our role to ‘fix’ people.

We all have the same Bible, the same Father, Son, and Holy Spirit Who wills and works His transformation in us. We may mean well, and be caring and loving, but unless we occupy a seat of authority in the life of a person, (still use great caution and wisdom), let’s humbly practice asking for permission when sharing or giving advice.

James 1:19, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”  Learning to sit with someone in their pain can be a struggle (me included) because we tend to want to offer solutions.

The Bible commands us to bear one another’s burdens, and we do this best by listening intently and praying for one another.

Lastly, set healthy boundaries.

As I alluded to earlier, the door of our hearts shouldn't be an open and revolving door to all. We need to seek a healthy balance of openness and wisdom. Also, solo time is important to properly replenish our relational battery.

In all this, our model is Jesus. So, practice spending time first with the Father, sharing your fears, flaws, and failures with honesty and transparency. God welcomes it (read John 6:37), and as we open our hearts to Him, we then learn to be open with others in a healthy way.

Balanced rhythms of life will produce growth and fruit that will last. In the end, a tree will be known by the fruit it produces. So be encouraged and do your best to apply these practices as part of your daily life.

Healthy communities and healthy families depend on it.

Davide Colletta

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Davide is the Senior Leader
at Mission Community Church